


A bad ending is still an end.

by NocturneProductions



Category: Death Note, Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Light Is Not Kira, Angst, Arson, Decapitation, Depression, Happy Halloween!, Heavy Angst, Insanity, Isolation, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Murder, One Shot, Yotsuba Arc, no misa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 01:50:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5111912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NocturneProductions/pseuds/NocturneProductions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For fifty days, Raito had stayed in that cell. It was all too much for his young mind to take.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A bad ending is still an end.

Raito felt numb when he was  shoved into the padded room. He bumped rather ungracefully against the plain white wall, unable to support himself from his bound hands and feet. He slid down, breathing in and out, trying to calm himself down. He had to stay in isolation. It was ok, he wasn't Kira. He would claim another victim while Raito was in there, then he would be cleared. That was the deal he and L had made. L would let him out soon. He had to.

 

***

 

The cold concrete dug into his skin. It didn't matter how he lay, he would still be unable to drift off to sleep. It wasn't like the "mattress" L provided him was any better. He would uncomfortably switch positions, until he passed out from sheer exhaustion. If he lay on his back, his cuffed hands would be crushed beneath him. If he tried to lie on his stomach, the pressure on his chest would make it hard to breath. Laying on his side became uncomfortable after laying there for so long, until he flipped over and the cycle repeated.

His stomach growled, and his hunger gnawed at him. The disgusting slop L called 'food', was barely enough to keep him full for more than a few hours. He had already eaten it all, and wouldn't get another plate until tomorrow. Raito hadn't seen anyone since he had been locked up in here. The only human contact he had was L's buzzing voice of _Kira, Kira, Kira_. Constantly wearing his mind, pushing him to his limit. Raito almost prefered the silence. Luck it seemed, wasn't on his side. Much to Raitos internal shame, he found himself flinching when L's voice came out of the speakers.

“How are you doing in there, Kira-kun? It’s been a week. I know it can’t be easy.”

 

A week.

 

Had it really?

 

Time had morphed together without the aid of the sky. His world had shrunk down to his racing thoughts and constant pain. It hurt to even breathe. He tried to elude the pain by sleeping most of the time, but the very same pain prevented it. Between that, blaring lights, and the constant drill of L's voice, Raito had hardly been able to sleep at all.

No doubt a side effect of this was dark rings under his eyes. Much to Raito's displeasure, he realized that by the end of this he would look like a colorful version of L. Speaking of which...

"I'm fine." Raito replied.

L paused. " _Fine?_ "

L was most likely carefully analyzing what he had said.Or perhaps he was wondering why he wasn't sobbing, and groveling at his feet. The bastard. True, most teenagers would crack after a few hours of intense questioning, and would even confess to a crime they didn't do. Just to make it stop. As much as he wanted to leave, Raito knew a false confession would only leave him executed. Because when the biggest mass murderer in history, and the three greatest detectives in the world are involved, you can't take chances.

Raito didn't know when he had laid himself down on the equally concrete bed. Did it even matter anymore? A thought whirled around his head. No, not a thought, it was a drive to keep going. It clouded his mind, refusing to be ignored when he gave his reply.

"Fine." He whispered.

_We made a deal. We made a deal. We made a deal._

 

***

 

How long had it been? Raito didn't know anymore. He only knew L's voice, always pushing him, breaking his mind. The speaker let out the soft crackle of it being turned on. Much to Raito's everlasting shame, he flinched slightly. L never said his name, not once. It was all a buzz of " _Kira, Kira. Kira._ "

Laying on the hard mattress, the scratchy fabric provided a meager amount of warmth. At least, it was a little warmer than the floor. However, Raito began to tremble, his head twitching every time it was uttered.

 

_Kira, Kira, Kira_

 

***

 

Raito always stared at the concrete floor, mostly because there wasn't much to stare at. He didn't remember when he last slept, time for him had morphed completely. It felt like he had been stuck  In there for years. He barely had energy to eat now. Raito noted how much looser his black shirt was now.

He probably looked like a living skeleton. His skin had turned pale from lack of sun, and his wrists were so sore from the handcuffs. The pain egged at him, an ever present buzz in his mind. Just a few days ago he would do everything in his power to never experience it, but now Raito...craved it.

It was something different in this isolated hell Raito lived in. With the plain white walls, dull grey floor. It would be so much better with some color. Raito dug the handcuffs into his wrists, and pain increased more and more. He didn't stop, thoroughly pleased with the first entertainment he had received in so long. He dug them deeper, rubbing them harshly into his flesh. A shiver of excitement wash over him when the metal finally pierced his skin. Drops of blood ran down his hands, and dripped onto the sheets. Raito desperately wanted to flip over and see the canvas, but chastised himself. One must never judge artwork until it is finished, after all. So he pledged to stay on that side until he stopped bleeding.

Raito distracted himself by inspecting the concrete. All the while containing his twisted glee, not letting the taskforce see the large feral grin that wanted to appear on his face. Staring at the ground a wave a realization flooded his mind. It would be...so...easy. To just end it right then and there. To smash his head into the concrete, and stain the floor a brilliant red. Oh god, how he wanted to. What held him back now? L, the deal him and Raito made? His father?

A ball formed in his throat at the thought. Did his dad even care about how much he was falling apart? Did he ever? He had always tried to be the perfect son, to make his mom and dad proud. Raito always made sure to get the highest marks, so his parents could brag about it to their friends, even though he didn't have any. To never show any of his flaws, so when his mother's eyes lit up at his strait As she wouldn't see his shoulders sag with stress.

_Look at me now._ Raito thought.

He wasn't perfect anymore was he? He was broken in pieces, and now so was his mask. He must be such a disappointment to his father, he could see it now: the disgust in his dad's eyes. He wasn't the model son anymore.

_Please, I'm sorry._ He begged in his mind. _I'll be better this time I promise._

The truth was, Raito was nothing without them. The future they planned was his. His goals and dreams were constructed by them both. He tried so hard to live up to that, to make them happy. Raito's mask has been up for so long, that he forgot who he really was.

 

_Kira. Kira. Kira._

 

***

 

He was curled up, facing the wall. Insomniatic eyes admired the blood splattered on the fabric. It was much better than the concrete to be sure. There was just something so hypnotic about it. The fact that such a wonderful color could come from him warmed him to the core. The beauty contrasted greatly to the boring background.

It was good that it had given him something to focus on. Because lately he had been hearing things. The first few times he ruled it out as the guards walking around outside his cell. What else could those thumps be? Then he began to hear wind out of all things! The ventilation maybe? Or perhaps just his own shaky breaths.The final line had been crossed a little while ago though. Because one night (or was it day?), he heard someone breathing slowly into his ear. Raito had flipped over, but the cell was completely empty. Like always. He was losing it, he realized mournfully. Of course, that had been apparent a long time ago. Even now in the corner of his eye, he saw a dark figure. He silently begged it to go away.

It had been a few minutes until he realized L was talking.

"-It's been forty days, and Kira has yet to claim another victim." L said.

It's been that much time already? oh god, he only had ten days left. Why hadn't Kira, killed yet?

 

No.

 

No that wasn't right.

Would L really stoop so low, that be would lie about it to get a ride out of him? Yes, he probably would. Raito realized with trepidation that he would have to stay in here for much longer.

"Oh, that's ok. I know he won't just give up now." Raito replied.

Raito twitched, he was smiling a large Cheshire-like grin. Raito didn't notice until the drops dampened the fabric below him, that he was crying.

 

***

 

He jolted when his cell door was slammed open. He was grabbed by two large men, whose faces was completely covered. He was dragged out of his cell with no resistance from him. He was too weak to fight back anyway, and his light body was carried like a broken doll.

His mind was fuzzy from this new experience, unable to comprehend what was going on. He had almost forgotten the world outside his cell. Had forgotten what it was like to be touched by someone. It was a godsend despite the harshness of their grip, and he found himself relaxing in their hold. Raito shut out the rest of the world, only focusing on the touch. Of course the niceness ended much too soon, and he was shoved into a car.

He was the only one in the back, he realized. He strained his neck, trying to see who was in the drivers seat. He saw the dark figure. Raito twitched. He looked away, shutting his eyes.

_It's not real, it's not real._ He thought.

He looked at the rear view mirror again, and immediately wished the figure would come back. Sitting in the driver's seat was his father, the dark figure had just been the shadows on Soichiro’s face. Raito vaguely noticed the car pulling onto the street. He didn't care though, he just started at his father, hardly believing he was there.

"D-dad?" He asked. "Where are we going?"

He groaned to himself in his head. His voice was soft and scratchy from disuse. He wished he could say more to the man, say how sorry he was. A small part of him dared to hope. Were they going home? He wanted to see his mom and sayu. So much. That hope was sunk down by the growing pit in his stomach, when he saw the expression on his father's face. He was glaring at him through the rear view mirror angrily, with a harshness Raito never had directed at him before. At least, never by his father.

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm driving you to your execution. I wanted to be the one to escort you to the execution site. It was secretly built in an underground facility, not far from here." Soichiro said monotonously.

His eyes widened in horror, unable to comprehend what be had just heard. He had just escaped that hell, only to have his freedom be stripped away a few hours later? He... was going to die?

"Execution?! What the hell are you talking about?!" Raito stammered.

"L is convinced that you are Kira Raito. He is convinced that the only way to prevent the murders, is to execute you." His father replied.

"I-I don't understand, the killings have already stopped!"

"No, they never stopped."

"They never... T-that's not what L told me, so he was lying?"

Raito nearly broke when his worst fears were confirmed to be true. The real damage was the knowledge that the deal had been one huge lie. He promised Raito, the two had shook on it. Kira had been killing the entire time, he could have left. Fifty days he had spent in that he'll, all for nothing. His sanity was further cracked by Soichiro’s next words.

"L was trying to get a confession out of you Raito, he would've said anything. But at this point that's not the problem, it's political now. You see, L's suggestion that the killings would stop if you eliminated was unanimously accepted by top officials in the U.N, and Japanese government. They want Kira to disappear, no trial, no publicity."

"But that's completely insane!" Raito shouted. "Please dad, I'm not kira!"

"L made this decision, not me. And his word is absolute. Over the years he's tackled the most difficult cases, he solved all of them, he's never been wrong."

"...You trust him over me?"

Hurt flooded his voice. His mind flooded with the betrayal, and he looked down, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. Had he continued to look up, he would have seen the guilt flash in his father's eyes. He didn't listen anymore, and just stared at the cars floor. Raito's mind was racing, his father had trusted L, a complete stranger, over him. He was his son! Did that mean nothing to him? Was he just an item to be thrown away when he wasn't useful anymore?

He jolted slightly when the car suddenly swerved. Bumping harshly, the car was driven under the bridge.Soichiro was ranting at him about family, about shooting Raito and then himself. He could hardly listen, he was too numb. His eyes however, widened when he saw the end of a gun barrel right in front of him.

Raito opened his mouth to try to say something. Anything. But all that came out was a choked sob, and then another. Then he was weeping.Unable to control himself anymore, tears rolled down his pale, sunken cheeks.  Only one thing managed to get past his trembling lips, muttered in his scratchy voice.

"Please don't..."

Soichiro pulled the trigger.

 

***

 

The resounding bang had pierced his ears. The ring hummed loudly in his ears. It clouded him. He didn't hear his father explain that it was a test; he only vaguely remembered being driven back to the headquarters. As L talked to him in person, he stared with glazed-over eyes. And, as it had been night for god knows how long, the task force left. The building was left nearly empty. Absentmindedly, he rubbed his newly unbound scar covered wrists. He ached to cut himself again, to bleed. However, his naked wrist was swiftly covered with a new handcuff. Raito froze.

"W- What? Why are you..." Raito stammered.

L was dragging him with the same chain, the other cuff was looped around his wrist. "I've handcuffed us together, because you need constant surveillance. You are still our number one suspect, and we can't take chances."

L pushed open metal doors, which opened into the dark kitchen. Having to get his cake himself, due to the lack of Watari. Raito followed in a daze, not wanting to believe what he was being told.

"Y-You said that I would be cleared, if Kira killed while I was in isolation." Raito replied.

L looked back at him briefly, with an almost disappointed look. "You didn't really believe that, did you?"

Raito wouldn't describe snapping as shattering glass. It was similar, but oh so different. It was like standing on thin ice, and in these past fifty days it cracked under his feet more and more. And in that moment, it collapsed underneath him, plunging him into the abyss below. He wasn't thinking when be saw the chef's knife sitting on the counter. The chain was pulling him down, L was drowning him! His body was weak, but holding the knife, he never felt stronger.

"Get it off." He whispered.

L spun around, most likely to explain exactly why that wouldn't happen. He was cut short by seeing Raito, who was twitching violently. A knife was firmly grasped in his hand. His eyes widened in shock.

"Raito-kun? What-" L asked.

He was cut off by Raito's unholy scream, as the teen suddenly lunged forward.

"GET IT OFF!" He shrieked.

He slammed the detective's arm onto the table, holding it down with his own. Raito plunged the knife into L's wrist. He screamed in pain, and blood gushed from the wound. Still, Raito didn't stop hacking the limb. In a rush of adrenaline, L shoved Raito to the floor, sending him crashing to the floor. The pull was too much for his heavily damaged wrist, and the bone snapped off.

L landed on the blood stained tile with a thud. Desperately, he put pressure on the bleeding stump that had once been his right hand. He frantically crawled towards the door, trying desperately to escape. The chain was swiftly wrapped around his neck. Raito pulled him back, he couldn't breath!

L clawed at the chain, trying to get it to loosen its grip. Raito was relentless, and didn't sway to L's increasingly weak struggles. When black spots started appearing in his vision, Raito let go and he crumpled to the floor. L gasped for air, and coughed violently.

"W-Watari..." He choked out.

"Watari's asleep, L." Raito giggled.

He pounced onto L, locking down his uninjured arm. L didn't put up much of a fight, he couldn't. He had lost so much blood already. It formed a pool around him, staining Raitos pants. How much blood had he lost? He was so tired... He was further stilled by the cold metal of a blade brushing against his neck. Raito peered down at him, eyes gleaming with madness L hadn't seen since Beyond. God, this was all his fault. His anti-socialness had been his downfall. He hadn't even considered the psychological  damages, and now both of them were paying for it.

"Don't worry, I'll be paying him a visit right after I'm done with you." He said.

_No..._

"NO!" L screamed.

Not his Watari! The one who raised him, who always stood by him. Whammy's house needed him, they didn't need L. And if need be, he would die for it. Filled with sudden adrenaline, L slammed Raito's arm back. The knife left its place at his neck. The teen tried to stab him, but L caught it with his hand. He griped the blade tightly, it hurt, it hurt so much. He continued to hold on with his remaining bleeding hand, despite Raito pulling as hard as he could. Because L knew that if he didn't win this tug of war, both he and the entire task force would die.

A sudden idea came to mind, and L suddenly jumped up. It broke Ratio's concentration for a split second. It was all he needed. L gave a swift hard kick, nailing Raito right in his stomach. He went hurtling back, and slammed into the cabinet with a sickening crunch. The sheer force of the crash broke the cabinet doors, and broke the glass alcohol bottles inside. Alcohol covered the floor, as well as the teen. L winced at the wound at the back of Raito's head, and the various glass shards sticking into his skin. But he wasted no time when he saw the gleam of metal on the floor. Rushing forward, L grabbed the knife and rushed toward Raito.

He meant to slit his throat, quick and simple. But before the knife made contact, Ratio forced L's arm up. He missed his target, and the knife plunged into Raito's right eye.  He screamed in agony, clutching his hands where his eye used to be. Something in L felt so twisted when be saw Raito grow a horrible smile. He twitched his head violently, his neck bent in an almost unnatural way. Then dryly, with his voice dripping with insanity, he began to laugh.

"Why are you laughing?!" L yelled angrily.

His face turned pale when he saw Raito unveil his hand from his sleeve. He was holding Aizawa's lighter, the one he had lost earlier that day.

"What's funny, is that half of the floor is covered with alcohol." He chuckled. " And I have a lighter."

He held his finger to his lips, making the "shush" gesture. He flicked the lighter on, L stared at the small flame. It burned into his brain, it was all he saw. Ratio dropped it to the ground, and the floor erupted in flames. The exit was blocked, there was no way out. L didn’t fight back when Raito pinned him against the wall, his body was too weak now. Even if he could somehow escape, could he in good conscience leave him to rot and die in the flames? It was his fault. His negligence had destroyed another life. Just like A, Just like Beyond.

Now, as the teen held the knife to his throat he looked into his crazed dilated pupil. What would happen, after this moment? Would the fire department come just a minute too late, and only be able to save Raito? He was sure Watari had woken up from the fire alarm blaring around the building. He relaxed, it was better this way. The taskforce would have his successors. Kira would be caught. So, L and the teen stared at eachother with locked eyes.

Raito leaned in, and  whispered into his ear. "You know L, in that little test, you had daddy blow my head off." He paused, his tone turning dark. "So it's only fair that I take yours..."

_Raito..._

The knife was swiftly shoved into his throat. It sliced through it liked butter. Blood poured down to the floor, and into his lungs. He gurgled in a desperate unconscious attempt to survive the inevitable. Black spots started to blot out his vision, and as he faded away, one last thought crossed his mind.

_I'm sorry._

 

***

 

Sitting on the blood covered floor,  Raito stroked L’s decapitated head that now sat in his lap. He could hear the fireman yelling outside, shouting orders. Trying to put out the fire, trying to save _him_. He twitched, and Raito Realized that he had been crying for a long time. Had he started to the moment He chopped off L’s hand? The fire began to engulf him, spreading quickly due to his alcohol covered body. As his world turned dark; somewhere in the back of his mind where there was still a fiber of sanity within him, he whispered.

_I’m sorry too._

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Happy Halloween everybody! I pretty much wrote this because i was very unhappy that poor Light spent 50 days in solitary confinement with no psychological damages. So this monstrosity was made!
> 
> Also, the next chapter of our painted masks will be next!


End file.
